Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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