you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Who died my cat blue again?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
