A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am naked and annoyed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
