yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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