Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
