I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
