wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
