Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
