I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
