Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
