The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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