If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
