this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
