It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
