i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
