Quick, to the slutcave!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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