I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
