I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
