I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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