Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
