I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
