I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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