idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
