youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't deserve a penis
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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