I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My hand turned me down
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it was like having sex with a tree stump
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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