Can i not drive my cunt home
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
