i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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