I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
two words...techno handjob
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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