When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
