My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
