Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
