When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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