I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
