I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
420 ftw
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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