I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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