my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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