not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
