I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
