and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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