it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
