I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
