btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
