Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
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Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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