He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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