after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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