Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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