why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
