So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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