Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
