Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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