Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
