we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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