we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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